Woeman | Exploring Masculinity An Ode to Growth and Understanding
By Alex Wright
Masculinity, with all its complexities, is shaped by everyday experiences. Reflecting on my journey, I see how small, seemingly trivial moments moulded my understanding of what it meant to be a man, often in ways I didn’t fully realise until much later.
As a boy, I quickly learned that certain behaviours were labelled “gay” or “feminine,” and these labels carried a negative connotation. Something as simple as crossing my legs became a source of ridicule. The word “gay” wasn’t just a descriptor; it was a slur, a punchline. Eager to fit in, I avoided anything that might be deemed “feminine” and, in turn, distanced myself from traits that I wrongly associated with weakness or otherness.
This need to assert my masculinity sometimes manifested in hurtful ways. I remember “jokingly” outing male friends before they had a chance to come out themselves. It was treated as harmless fun, a way to bond with others.
But I never stopped to think about how those jokes felt to the person on the receiving end. I was contributing to the very stigmas and stereotypes that boxed me in.
In my late teens, this discomfort extended to gay spaces. Entering a gay bar, I felt uneasy, worrying that I might be perceived as attractive by another man or face unwanted advances. This irrational fear drove me to overcompensate, morphing into a version of myself screamed, “I like women.” I never questioned why I felt so defensive; instead, I leaned into stereotypes to mask my insecurities.
The turning point came when I went to college and found myself in a creative course surrounded by people who were unapologetically themselves.
For the first time, I had open, honest conversations with gay peers. We talked about their journeys, the challenges they faced growing up, and the bullying they endured. As I listened, I began to see the world through their eyes.
The more I learned, the more I understood how my ignorance and actions had hurt others. I realised I had been “that guy”, the bully, the contributor to their pain. Had I not had these conversations, I might have held onto those harmful attitudes, letting my internalised homophobia go unchecked.
Reflecting on my adolescence, I see how these stigmas took root because of a lack of understanding. Conversations I never had led me down a path of ignorance, and only by confronting my biases head-on did I begin to grow. Who am I to judge someone without first understanding their story?
This reflection isn’t personal, it’s a call to action. We need more spaces for open, nonjudgmental dialogue. Our polarised world often creates barriers between what we’ve learned and what we could learn if we were willing to listen. Growth isn’t about perfection; it’s about being brave enough to hold a mirror to our beliefs and hear the voices that speak back.
Understanding begins with a conversation. Whether we agree or not, those discussions can bridge the gap between ignorance and empathy.
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